Am I @ fault?
It's been a while that I've blogged at this site... Most of the time, I'm blogging for my mousey.Well, what's make me turn to here was because of someone... I've been tolerating all these till today, I need a revenue to vent this unhappiness out. I need to let out.
Year 1 had passed very well, not much expectations, not much problem... just work and work and work and delivered, delivered and delivered. The most challenging part was the trust and agreement. I remembered that I consulted her on the rotation before implementation. She agreed and I ran the show. But was backfired by staff... I understand where they had come from, but such rating from staff became my problem. And the reasons given was I didn't manage them well... I was shocked as I had sought her advice before implementation. You mean you aren't at fault too??? I was disappointed by that comment and felt unhappy but I just moved on
Out of the bluemoon, she found fault at the way I managed the team. Well, she commented how come I didn't ask "this" for lunch... I mentioned not that I didn't, I asked almost everytimes, but "this" rejected. What can I do? Dragged him, use a knife and point at him or MADAM asked me to ask you out for lunch!!!! Funny right and then she blamed me not able to manage the staff.. I almost fainted on this comments.
Next incident was she wanted to treat the team and asked me to organise and to combine my session with her... I was like no lor...I treated my team with my own $$ and I'm sincere and then when she knew about that, she said I didn't respect her. I was like ok... that's what you think then fine lor...
Again she found fault at work again.. She decided on something and then asked me why I did it in this way, I said this was discussed and agreed. And she mentioned that "NO" and luckily, I had emails backup of such correspondences and sent it back to her to mention this was agreed. She couldn't stand of my defensive attitude and instructed me to hold a meeting to discuss on this. I did it and took all the blame as she thought it was my fault. No point arguing with her.
Out of no where, she started her PMS again. This times, she blamed me not for not handhelding the situation as a team lead. I was like har... the last minutes changes etc and any other arrangements were already made beforehand, this last minutes changes that the team not able to deliver last minutes wasn't my fault... I couldn't ask them to give it to me within that 12 hours which we planned like 2 weeks. Such requests and not managing well became my problem.
I was totally upset over her unreasonable incidents and yet she gave me such a grade and put blame on me for the team management expectation not met, not well managed. All these actions, I consulted her before action, did it mean she's a poor organiser too. Shouldn't she be blamed for what I had produced and done???
I was utimately disappointed with her twice... And all these because of 1 person...I already told her I couldn't manage and need her guidance but she didn't even display/set an example to me... How am I suppose to learn from her.
I didn't support her but however she got the title. She is blessed because she has a good boss who can coach and guide her but not for me.
People around me knows what happened and they know me, they couldn't believe or hear what she commented and talked to me. I told them, you know me, you gaged me... Am I such a person as what she commented or complaint?
She always got staff problem, and she complaints to HR... So even moving on another team, she's still have staff problem... so the problem is with her or with me?
I was really upset with her since a year ago... She wasn't like this... I was disappointed and saddened by her every move and reaction. She had destroyed me totally and I told myself, one day, the same will happen to her.. The world is round, what you did to me will happen to you one of these days...
Till today, I still find myself very unhappy for what she had done and I really felt it's not my fault, even it's my fault, you shall guide and coach me instead expecting me to achieve to her expectation.
I take this place to vent this frustration as I want to move on... and I've no regrets moving on because the way I had been treated and I had seen enough of this place, politics, people not responsible, blaming culture and not willing to take on... This is definitely not the place I want to continue...
Anyway, I'm so happy now after venting out here and CLOSED CASE!!!!
